molecules that matter.

This evening I had a revelation.

It occured to me that I am the most self-absorbed person I know.

I am always so stuck in a moment- in many moments- that I fail to live in the current moment. I idealize and I dream, and while I value both, I am starting to believe that these behaviours are perhaps my greatest weaknesses.

Because my mind and my heart are always in another world - whether climing on the limestone rocks of Cochise Stronghold, mountaineering in the North Cascades, or surviving sickle-cell anemia (I have been creating crazy hypothetical situations and have been replaying in my mind) - I am so absorbed in my fantasies that I neglect what is real. I take for granted the people who matter to me most; the people who I depend on for my sanity.

My problems are always larger than anyone elses. My pain, my love, my joy, is always greater than yours.
My tears are always larger and my smile is always brighter.

Has writing become an avenue for me to elate my thoughts to something of monumental significance?

How can I dream of saving humanity from what is ugly if I cannot first see that I am not the center of existance?